It is time for a new post and I have several thoughts running through my head. I am thinking it must be "Ranting Season," since most of my thoughts require me to get a soap box out to stand on, much like my sister's latest post.
But the root of my rantings is really the deep introspective thoughts I have been having. I need some quiet time to process and dig deep into some of the thoughts I have been having.
So let me begin.
It all started when I went in the Principal's office to volunteer my help on something the school is working on. It is something I saw a need for and I decided to fill it. So I am filling it and it took up a considerable amount of time last week and so I did not have a lot of time to do the usual things I have been doing lately and things like the house getting cleaned were set by the wayside as well (and you know, a house of order is a good place to lay your head).
On top of that I had Time Out for Women this week (which while awesome was a huge time commitment for me), Carter's first time marching with the band at a football game, feeding the Stake Presidency for Stake Conference this weekend, and the usual carpools and dinners and friends what not.
By Sunday I was shot and napped for 3 hours and woke up grumpy and mean, like a big old bear.
What was the cause of all this? Why the big mean bear? It was apparently so bad that I went to bed with a note from sweet Ethan promising me he would be better and try not to disappoint me anymore.
It was bad.
So here is what I have been thinking. What am I to do? Or to phrase the Time Out for Women theme, what am I to BECOME? Really and truly I think that conference just put the icing on the cake of some thoughts I was already having, since that was the theme, Choose to Become. They had this opener with a video of women doing things, artists, authors, bloggers, bakers, all sorts of things. And they were all succeeding at it like even as a career as well as being a mom, wife, mother, Daughter of God.
The first speaker challenged us to get out of our own way and have the faith to Become what the Lord wants us to be. A thousand thoughts ran through my head. "I should be a writer." "How awesome to be a speaker like this. I love to speak." "I should really be a teacher again." "Ooooh maybe I should dust off my violin. I could be good again." "Four years of Art in High school and all the painting I have done, I live in the most beautiful state. I should paint and draw again. I was really good. My kids don't even know I can do half this stuff." And the list went on and on.
There was another speaker who I had never heard of before. He spoke about the problem with conforming. He challenged us to look at 2 things, first, what are we conforming too. And second, how are we forcing others to conform to us. He also said that there are only 2 choices we have to make: What you believe and values and how you act on those beliefs and values. The rest of the stuff is just consequences.
That was deep. I know my values and beliefs. I made that choice, but how do my actions stand up? Good food for thought. But what really got me was his first question: what have I conformed to. And I tell you, the answer hit me like a ton of bricks: Volunteering at the school. That is what I get sucked in to every time. I don't know why, but I do.
So the next step is to change that. Well, that is easier said then done, since I did make some commitments and I will follow them through. I will also recommit to my old mantra of Choose Your Own Halloween Candy.
What? Well you see, my sister in law, EmRee, is a marriage and family therapist and a former teacher at BYU education week (which is a big deal if you know anything about that. Not that she would say it was a big deal, so I say it for her). I first heard that phrase, choose your own Halloween candy from her at a workshop she taught at Education Week. I don't remember where she got it, but I adopted as my own person guideline for choosing things to get involved in. Think back to when you are choosing which Halloween candy you are going to hand out. Do you choose something you don't like? No. You usually choose something that you are going to enjoy having the leftovers around. The same thing should go with how and what we get involved in. Do I want the leftovers that extracurricular activities bring into my life when they are around? No. Therefore when my commitments are fulfilled, I will scale back my conforming to volunteering and in the mean time, I will no longer conform to anything else.
Now some people will say, well someone needs to do it. Or, like I say to myself, if you don't do it, who will. To that I say, if you can't get anyone to do it, maybe we don't need it.
Do I know what I am to Become yet? No. Not yet. I have a few inklings though, like maybe I should Become a good friend, a good listener, a good mom, a good person. Because as awesome as Time Out for Women was, this year's theme didn't exactly celebrate the "ordinary" ways we can Become something. We don't all have to be writers, painters, singers, bloggers with 10,000 hits a day, or musicians to be what the Lord wants us to be. I think that message got a little lost. I think if we all Become more Christ like and more charitable, and more patient and kind, then we will have succeeded in this life.
For now I am going to work on that.
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