This takes the cake...or at least my seat.

I have company coming on Saturday. My dad, his wife, my stepbrother, and my grandmother are coming for 10 days! I am quite excited. But that is not what this post is about.

Nor is it about being a Cub Scout leader during Day Camp WEEK and the chore it is to keep everybody with a ride, a medical form, a meal bracelet, and a T-shirt.

And it isn't even about getting Carter and JaDee off to a remote army barracks on the Kenai Peninsula that is only accessible when the tide is out- otherwise you better have a kayak or a helicopter. Apparently it has tunnels and passageways that make it THE spot for capture the flag.

No, this post is about the most unbelievable thing that happened to me at the movies tonight.

A new Regal Cinemas 16 plus IMAX theater opened up this week. It is a huge deal for Anchorage (and really Alaska) since this is the first IMAX in the state. I know! We are really almost an industrialized nation now...All week different charities were highlighted to host the movies for $2 a ticket. Granted they were all movies that were already on DVD but what a great way to support a good cause and check out the new hot spot in town.

I took Ethan and Olivia and my friend *L*. *L* is my sweet friend who has faced a number of challenges with her disabilities but still keeps trucking through life with a smile on her face. We go to lunch, farm on Facebook, and talk on the phone about important things like the new Miley Cyrus song and her dislike of mustard. She has the most giving heart and smuggled in great treats for us!

Anyway, everyone in Anchorage also thought checking out Regal for $2 sounded like a good idea too, so we were sitting pretty close to the front in our stadium style plush seats with retractable armrests and dual cup-holders when Olivia had to go to the bathroom.

It took awhile since we assessed the hideously long popcorn line on the way. I left *L* and Ethan and my purse to guard our 2 empty seats.

When I came back, there was only 1 empty seat.

I asked *L* what happened and she said the lady wouldn't budge.

So I leaned next to me and said to the seat stealer, "Um excuse me, we had these 2 seats here."

"Well there was no one here when I sat down."

"No. We were in the bathroom and my friend here was saving them for us with my purse."

"Why don't you go sit up front if you don't like it."

"No. We were here first. How about you sit up front since we were here first."

"Well I paid for this seat-

"Um (this is a sarcastic-snotty UM not a polite-excuse-me-please UM) we paid for our seats two seats as well so I think I have every right to let my daughter have her seat back." (this was one of those times that I wished Olivia was pitching a fit. She can be pretty formidable and usually can muscle her own way out of anyone).

"When I got here there was no one here so you put your daughter on your lap or move up front."

"No. You put your child on your lap-"

"This is not my child."

(what did you rent her? Cause I'm not sure anyone actually leaves their child with a- ahem- nice lady like you by choice).

"Whatever, put her on your lap. We were here first!"

"You're disturbing the movie. If you want a seat, move."

I shut up. and fumed and tried to think of a thousand things I could have said. I came up with nothing.

I did go back and get popcorn and drinks (also $2 each, but no diet Pepsi, drat) and tracked down a manager and told her what happened. She offered to take me to guest services and comp me for my seat, but seriously, it was only two bucks and it was money towards charity anyway. So I asked instead what to do when I am paying $10 a seat that is going to the Almighty Powers of Fandago, instead. She told me in the future, to come get a manager to escort the perp out. (OK she might not have used the word perp)

I fantasized about dropping my drink on her when I returned. But I had laid on the sweetness so thick with the manager about how I was shocked that stuff like seat-stealing could even happen in the world, that I was feeling better when I got back. I made a big show instead about being so disgustingly nice to my kids, my friend, and almost offered my adversary some popcorn at one point.

All the while running a new fantasy through my head. The one where I get to be part of her judgement council at the Pearly Gates and get to slam them shut on her.

And then when it got to the Underworld part in the Percy Jackson movie we were watching, I almost leaned over and whispered, "Better pick your spot now cause you'll be burning there a long time, sweetheart."

And knowing I would blog about this I thought of the awesome title for this post.

What makes me even more mad is that she thinks she won. She shut me up. ME! I win arguments. My way with words is renowned. I argue with Carter for heavens sakes! All that sparring should have paid off.

So I am comforting myself with the illusion the that I took the high road. That I chose not stoop to her level. That my integrity (in everything but my fantasies) kept me from calling her names. But my pride was wounded. My oral arguments stunted. My track record for being a diplomat, problem solver, referee and mediator has been marred.

I will lick my wounds and be better prepared next time. I will pull out the big guns of Movie Theater Security and Regal Management. I will sic Guest Services on her and see that justice is served.

But seriously, is mankind really gotten so bad that you will steal a seat from a 4 year old, a mom, a cute Cub Scout, and a disabled adult?

Seriously?