Could I really?

Like every year at this time, I sit and contemplate if I really could homeschool.  I was so swamped all week with various things I had to do this week that the phrase "stay at home mom" was an oxymoron.  I wonder if I homeschooled I could anchor my self down to really being at home and actually feel like I was doing something other than cramming in a few hours everyday with my kids right before I tell them to go to bed. The boys are getting bigger and we really have such a good time together. Like in the car we each get a turn to play DJ on my Ipod and pick songs we all enjoy.  Even Olivia can ask for Journey's "Don't stop Believin' [not the GLEE version btw...].  Not to mention our discussions on why Hitler was able to gain such a control over Germany and an enlightening discussion and revelation to Ethan about where babies come our (Olivia told him they come out of a mom's bagina.  He thought it was the belly button and had kind of wondered why boys had them too.)

I don't know if this is a recurring prompting or if I am just such a rebel at heart that I want to "stick it" to the school system for wanting ME to have rules about MY children. And like homeschooling is going to hurt their feelings or something.

Today I went with Carter's "team" at his middle school to hike Arctic Valley.  It was poorly organized, miscommunicated, and we had horrible weather.  While eating lunch huddled around the rocks at the top of the mountain to keep the wind from blowing sleet in our faces, the social studies teacher said, "Look at this!  We don't get to see this every day."

One kids says, "Um actually, we live in Alaska and we do see this everyday."  He had a point.

Then she asked, "How many of you have never hiked before today?" A fair question since we have half of the group in Vasque/Merrill/Keen boots and North Face rain gear and REI backpacks (in other words PREPARED!).  The other half is in shorts and T-shirts and Keds/DC sneakers.  One mom even showed up in wedged sandals and skinny jeans but changed into RAINBOOTS at her car before heading up the MOUNTAIN... with her purse on her shoulder...(I can only imagine what her son/daughter was wearing...)

But they looked at the teacher and her question like she was from Mars.  Most of these kids were here when last year, as 7th graders, they hiked Baldy, a steeper, longer hike.  All she got as an answer was, "Can we go back down now.  I can't feel my cheeks."

"Well the buses won't be here until 1 o'clock.  We are going to stay up here at least a half hour."  It was 11:20.  It took maybe an hour to get up to the top.  I ask, "Are you serious?  Its only going to take about 20 minutes to get down.  These kids are cold.  We need to at least get out of this wind [at the top of the mountain...whipping so hard Carter was leaning off the top of a rock into it and it was holding him up like he was flying]even if we can't get out of the rain [sleet and I daresay snow]."

She looks at me blankly and then a few minutes later rounds everybody up to head back down.  We stop half way and she attempts some conversation about "bonding experience..." and Carter, myself and his friends say something about of course not being able to do this around the kitchen table or anything, and start to pick blueberries.

We get to the bottom and even with our Bonding Blueberry Intermission we still have over 30 minutes before the buses come.  The teachers organize some relay races.  One kid falls, rips his jeans, and is bleeding.  Luckily, I did listen to inspiration in the parking lot and had thrown the First Aid kit from under the seat of my car in my pack at the last minute. The buses come and are greeted to shouts of joy and Carter is asking to just come home with me.

I go to tell the teacher that I am taking him home.  "Did you pre arrange this at the office." She asks.

"No."

"Then he can't go home with you." She tells me, the mother of this child.

"You mean you guys don't have a sign out sheet with you? Huh, my youngest son goes to ______ and they let us sign them out with the teacher on a form with them at field trips.  I thought you know, being in the same district and all you guys would do that to? Maybe next time?"

I shrug and tell Carter I will bust him out when he gets off the bus and go to pick up Olivia.

And on my drive home I again get that wondering, if I could really homeschool my children. The debate is strong both for and against.  I know them all and see both sides almost equally.

Ultimately the answer is no, I don't think I can do it. But still I wonder...

Instead, I go to the school, jump through the hoop (one of many we do every school year) and collect him from the last 45 minutes of school where they were just going to have free reading time in class, and spend a stolen bit of time with my oldest. And I guess as long as I don't let the "establishment" intimidate me we can still get by.

This post is bound to be continued...