because it's wierd

Do any of you have dreams about old boyfriends?  I do.  Not like dreams that I mean to have, but dreams when I am asleep.  Sometimes the dreams take place back in the day we were going out, sometimes they are present tense but without the relevant players (ie. husband and children) in my current life.

Last night I had one where I met up with an old beau after both of us had lost our respective spouses and all our children were apparently grown because we talked about them. But we looked like we do now... we weren't all old and wrinkly... In my dream we ended up dating and I think even talked about getting married because we wondered what our kids would think.

It was weird.

Then I have this recurring dream about a guy that I went out with that is always the same theme, but different situations.  The theme is we get a second chance and it always takes place like Back In the Day....We are younger and there are no husband, and no children as players in this dream.  One time in the dream we were at a race, like a car race. Another time we were at a restaraunt.  Same thing happens, we meet, we talk about why and how it ended, we make out and I wake up. Oh and it is always the same guy but he's a different one from lasts night dream. They leave me a little nostalgic for the what if...  What if it had worked out between me and him....and maybe a little longing for the single life and the thrill of dating.

Weird, again.

Anyway, I was just wondering if any of you, my half dozen readers, have this happen.  What do you think it means.  I think it means I need to spend more time with JaDee.  I have dreams with him in them too, although never in the same dream as with an old flame.  My dreams with JaDee in them are always super romantic and totally not at all like real life in their setting or situation (ie. we are on a secluded beach or alone at dinner, or one time we were floating down a river headed for a waterfall and he was figuring out how to save me...real damsel in distress kind of a thing).

One of the things these dreams make me think about, especially the recurring one where I end up with a second chance with the other guy, is how different my life would be if I had made different choices, or took different opportunities.  It is amazing to me how life works out.  How maybe there are pivotal moments in  our lives where we make a choice that we don't even realize is monumental in shaping our life until after several years have passed.

One time in real life, I was with yet another guy, who actually never shows up in my dreams, when I really did something that I can pinpoint exactly when my life took a turn.  He was a guy that I dated at BYU, freshman year.  He was just off his mission that Christmas and he was in my ward. He was so cute and we were in a couple of classes together. We had the same major and the same plans to go into law.  I had quite the crush on him and I can look back now and see that he was probably pretty interested in me too.  He happened to be down at breakfast almost every morning before I went to work.  (we lived at DT and my ward was full of all the Returned Missionaries that stayed in the dorms when they came home mid year) Or I would just happen to run into him on the way home from my late math class every Tuesday and Thursday.  I look back on that now and I think he knew where I was going to be...

Anyway, we dated a bit, but the turning point was the night I borrowed my friends car so we could go somewhere.... It was a stick shift and I was not that great with it.  I did fine by myself but I was with a guy I liked and it made me nervous and I stalled in the middle of a big intersection in Orem.

I said a bad word.

We didn't date anymore after that.  I stopped seeing him at breakfast and my walks home from math were solo after that.

That four letter word changed my life.  I really think I would have ended up with him...but he isn't the one I get a second chance with in my dreams... And I actually do wonder (not wonder in a wishful way, but wonder in a curious way) where I would have ended up with him.

Hell if I scared him off with one little swear word I have a feeling I would have not ended up happy.

Although, I know I laugh at physically, where I am today...Hello! Alaskan housewife is a far cry from the law career in D.C. I originally had planned.  And for that matter the person I was 15 years ago would never have been out shopping garage sales for thigh high fishing waders and a chainsaw like I was last week.

Its just funny where life takes us.

Maybe my dreams are showing me not all that I might have missed out on, but how much I have.