A field trip adventure

I went on a field trip yesterday. I got to ride the bus and everything. The sad thing is I am so short that I can sit straight ahead in an elementary school bus seat and my knees just barely touch the seat in front of me. All the other adults had to sit sideways.

But the real blog worthy event of the day was the woman I met. It was another mom on the trip and the first thing I noticed about her (besides the fur coat she was wearing on the school bus, probably safe to say that was the first time that driver had anyone wearing mink on his ride) was the capris she sported with tall pointy boots.

It was 5 degrees yesterday.

And we were on a bus.

I don't care if you did have boots with your capris, and I do think that is a cute look in some cases, it was too cold not to have layers of fabric on. I myself had a turtleneck, a sweater and a down coat.

The next thing I noticed about her was her breath.

Out of no where this hand grabs my arm and a face inches from mine whispers, "I just love your hat!"

Whoa! How many pretzels did you eat with the kids for our snack? Because I think I feel a crumb sticking to my chin and I only had carrots and I for sure see that you are not done chewing.

She was that close.

"Oh." I reply. "Thank you. My husband got it for me for Christmas."

"I am a designer and I would love to make a pattern from your hat. You could come over to my house or I could come to yours and we could make them different colors or maybe add fur..."

"What did you say your name was?"

"I am (insert the name of a Scooby Doo character here and you will have a 1 in 5 chance of getting it right and I don't feel bad for bad mouthing someone by name on my blog)."

"Nice to meet you. I am Nicole." I say. And to myself I think, "And I will plead the witness protection program as the reason you may NOT have my phone number or ever come to my house."

Thankfully it was time to get on the bus and I was saved from pretzel breath who rushed of to sit with her child for the ride.

And I didn't even mention the gigantic hooters that most certainly were not what she was born with or the lips that had 2 mounds of what I think were silicone as well, shifting under the skin like marbles in a bag as the pretzel crumbs sprayed.

The End.


Field trips are dangerous.