Bear Aware

Yes. This is what my kids learned at an assembly at school last week. Like I said on facebook, no stranger Danger here, just your average outdoor survival skills to get you to and from school. The really funny thing was how we found out about this informative assembly, because you know when we asked the kids how school was they said, "Fine." And when we asked them what did they do today, they said, "Nothing."

We were coming home from this:

(56 schools make up this 6th grade orchestra and band )

Sonic Boom

A very cool 56 school 6t hgrade band/orchestra combined concert at the largest venue in Anchorage (and I dare think Alaska), the Sullivan Arena. Home to the Alaska Aces hockey team and UAA Seawolves hockey team (does anyone know what a "Seawolf is?).

The mayor was their and played his trumpet with an ensemble for the National Anthem and Alaska's State Song (does Utah have a state song?). The Superintendent MC'd the whole event (do I dare think Dr. Menlove has shown up to anything like this in Box Elder county or does he merely collect a paycheck?).

Needless to to say it was an impressive show. I was thrilled to see a community so supportive of the music program in their district. Police were there to direct traffic. Sullivan Arena staff set up, took down, ushered and congratulated the kids as they walked by. I was grateful to the teachers who pulled this all together and the students who took such pride in their performance.

And then on the way home, or rather when we were stuck waiting to get out of the parking lot for 25 minutes, Carter ran to the nearby woods because he was in need of facilities. OK he had to pee and that was as good as it was getting in a stand still parking lot (lets just say that 65,000 BYU cougar fans have exited a parking lot faster than 7,000 band parents. Another thing we Mormons can be proud of).

When he returned I joked, "Good thing you didn't get eaten by a bear in those woods."

Ethan says, "Oh don't worry. We learned all about what to do in an accidental bear encounter."

"What?" I ask. I am not sure which to question first. His use of the words "accidental bear encounter," or where he learned what to do in case of one.

Then Carter joins the conversation, "Yeah at the Bear Aware Assembly."

Again me, "What?"

"Oh we had aspecial assembly to learn what to do if we encounter a bear in the wild."

Thereis that word again: encounter. Now I use big words and expect my kids to know them, but "encounter" has never been part of my vocabulary. What the heck are these guys talking about

JaDee and I are laughing so hard we have tears streaming down our faces. JaDee asks "So you had a Bear Aware assembly to teach you all what to do if you run into a bear? What did they teach you

Ethan goes "Oh you stand up and wave your arms (picture him looking like an air traffic controller backing out a jumbo jet) and go 'Hey bear. Hey bear.'" This time picture how an air traffic controller sounds; rather monotonous.

He also tells us of "one accidental encounter where the lady was seriously injured."

By this time we are not trying to control ourselves and JaDee and I are about ready to fall out of the parked car. We then proceed to be our usual cynical, sarcastic selves and comment to each other.

"Yeah, because a bears know English and are for sure going to run if they see that."

"Can't you just see the grizzly charging on a kindergartner stopping dead in its tracks because she is waving her arms and saying 'hey bear.'"

"Wait! Wait! How do you think those kindergartners felt walking home from school today along the wooded path behind the school!"

"Yeah, I bet more than one mom is trying to figure out how come her kid wet his pants today."

It went on and on like that between us while Carter and Ethan keep interjecting, "What is so funny?" "I don't get it."

It continued the whole way home, once we actually got moving, while we were playing 20 Questions with the kids.

"OK, its a thing."

"I know, I know!" shouts" JaDee. "Its an assembly for the bears teaching them that when they see a little kid waving its arms they shouldn't eat them."
We were having a great time. At least JaDee and I were right up until it was time for bed and Ethan tells me he is never walking to Collin's house (about 1/8 of a mile away) because of the bears. Oh brother.

I tell him how there have been bears on Grandma's farm. I have pictures of a baby up a telephone pole with us in hot pursuit of the perfect picture. JaDee has stories of chasing them out of the beat fields on tractors and Great Grandma McNiven has pictures of them eating out of their car windows in Yellowstone. I then ask him how many times he has seen a bear on the farm.

"None." is the reply.

"I doubt you will run into a bear here either. But if you do go back the way you came. Or you can go to any of the 15 houses between us and Collins and ask them to call your mom to come get you."

At this point the odds are that there aren't any pedophiles between us and Collin and if there are we have a 1 out of 15 chance Ethan won't go to that house if he accidentally encounters" a bear. I am pretty sure if he ever does encounter a bear I will take my chances on his not choosing a pedophile for help. Seriously, how often does lightning have to strike in one day?

"Besides," I continue. "Your first defense against running into a bear is making noise. And lets face it, my boy, you are not exactly my quietest child."

I am pretty sure we will be safe.

Because of course, we had a Bear Aware Assembly.